Ahhhh, romance! Admit it, you love it! It’s cool…there is no shame in wanting to experience the magic of amour. It’s February, and if you weren’t already on a manhunt for bae, every store you will walk into this month will lay on the pressure to find you a boo.
As a millennial female, I pretty much only know people on each extreme of the relationship spectrum. My friends are either engaged and blissfully planning their nuptials, or so single that they have forgotten what dating is and simply succumb to our generation’s version of courtship (a.k.a. right swiping to find someone to Netflix and chill with). I myself am happily married to someone I like to think I manifested from thin air.
As loving and as sexual beings, we naturally crave tender care from a partner. However, through media sources like the enchanting tales of our childhood spun by Disney, and even present reality television sensations like “The Bachelor”, there has been an unbalanced importance impressed upon us that we must receive all of our pampering and adoration from outside sources.
Further, we are encouraged to believe that if we aren’t being completely worshipped by someone, then we must not be worthy, lovable, or deserving, right? Wrong. Equally important to note: just as much as we desire to be loved and cherished by another, we also seek to give the love and devotion welling up inside of us.
Can you see where I’m going with this?
Let’s put two and two together…a person seeking to be cherished, who also has love and affection to spare…hmmm. How about sending a little bit of that our own way?! Dating and romancing yourself is one of my favorite ways to practice self care. I cannot emphasize this enough. ‘Cause news flash: even people in happy relationships aren’t getting everything they are seeking in the romance department. And it makes sense. We cannot look to a single person to fulfill our every need.
Whether you are single, dating, or in a committed relationship, the way you treat yourself sets the tone for the kind of treatment you expect and accept from others.I believe that it is said best in one of my favorite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, when the author states: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” If we treat ourselves like we are only deserving of what I call “crumbs of love”, we will never see ourselves as worthy of the whole cookie—and will continue to accept crumbs our whole lives from those we devote ourselves to.
Plus, the truth is…the best way to create energetic space for a romantic partner if you are seeking one, is to align yourself with the energy of romance and a love for life itself. How can this be done you might ask?!
To help you begin to woo yourself properly and to embrace the energy of romance, I have created a list of dates to take yourself on that are…how you say? Très romantique!
Rather than cooking a delicious, gourmet meal for a partner or lover, make one for yourself! Indulge in a more decadent array of delicacies than you might normally allow yourself to enjoy. If you aren’t looking for something fancy, simply prepare yourself a smorgasbord of all of your favorites—be it pigs in a blanket or lobster tails! Turn the whole preparation into an act of love by taking extra time and care with every step, from purchasing your ingredients to setting a candlelit table.
Just kidding, we aren’t living in the 1930’s. But seriously, take yourself out to see a movie you’ve been dying to see, but have been unable to wrangle your friends into viewing. So what if you want to see the latest Pixar film as a grown adult? You do you, baby boo. Buy yourself the biggest popcorn known to man, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show! No one is there to judge you if you ugly cry or snort when you laugh.
Is there is something you’ve always wanted to learn, but never made time to try? Well tonight is the night! Whether it’s painting, pottery, ballroom dance, cooking, DJing, knitting, or pole dancing (you heard me), enroll in a class one evening and give it a go! Chances are, everyone there will be a stranger to you (that you will likely never see again, I might add) so who cares if you look a fool or aren’t a master the first time? Better yet, you might even make new friends!
Although this idea is a little on the pricier side, it is something you can give yourself to look forward to and save up for. Whisk yourself away for a weekend, or even just a single night, at a hotel, resort, or spa near you. Drive someplace beautiful within a few hours of you and let yourself hike and explore by day, and pamper yourself in the evenings. Not into nature? No problem. Try (window) shopping ’til you drop and splurge on a spa treatment! Getting a change of scenery and treating yourself to a staycation is a great way to say “I love you, self!”
For something simple, yet profound, take yourself on a stroll through a park, near a body of water, or even just around your town or neighborhood. Pick your favorite time of day—sunrise, sunset, under a starry night sky—and allow yourself to look at the world with enchantment and wonder. Take your iPod and play some romantic tunes as you saunter along and fall in love with the place you are in.
They just happen to be the same person…You! Do you love fresh flowers in your home? Been eyeing a particular product from your favorite store? In the mood for chocolate covered strawberries? Stop waiting for someone else to surprise you. Send it to yourself, and include a sweet little note while you’re at it! Nothing wrong with cheering yourself on and giving yourself a little love. Future you will be so flattered, and don’t they deserve that?!
You know what I mean. A little self love never hurt nobody…unless that’s what you’re into. In which case, do your thing! You are allowed to experience pleasure with or without someone else to provide it to you. Give yourself permission to set the mood and step out of your box to get to know your own body better. It will not only improve your relationship with yourself, but can help you become more open and honest about your preferences with whoever you choose to share yourself with in the future.
Dress yourself up and head on out to enjoy a night at the theater, ballet, museum, the opera….or raucous rock concert. Whatever floats your boat! Let yourself be carried away by the experience and give yourself permission to fully immerse yourself in something that inspires your creative senses and evokes emotion! Fall in love with someone else’s talents and brilliance.
You are one hot date! As you begin to view and treat yourself as such, you will automatically begin to shift your energy to attract that into your life from someone else. The good news is, by the time they roll around you won’t need them, you will just get to enjoy and love them!
“My heart is open to giving and receiving romantic love and gestures. I am a romantic and sexual being, worthy of affection, love, attention and care. I cherish and adore myself first, so that I may give that freely to others.”
Feel loved, because you are loved. You are Love.
Have other rad solo-date ideas? Share them in the comments below for other Merhipsy honeys to try out! xx